God of the Small

I’ve had some major things happening the last few weeks. (My last post sums it up.) I am feeling better after a doctor visit and antibiotics just in time for hormones and fatigue to take main stage. I have to be gone from home most nights of the week and it is wearing on me. The tumultuous family situation continues to tumult. I have mostly reacted to the daunting situation by putting on my A game. Facing a mountain? Pour on the prayer. Need understanding? Dig deeper into scripture. Looking at the impossible? Plant that mustard seed.

But God keeps whispering to me. I am the God of the small. Wow, He’s got me on that one. This tumbled around in my mind last week and God immediately put me to the test. My daughter called in a pickle which would not have happened if she would have done what I asked the night before. As I drove to school to pick her up, anger festered. God spoke more clearly. I am the God of the small. In the short drive, I threw up a help me prayer and managed stifle sharp words about her unwillingness to obey me. I squeaked by that time.

But since then? I have to fess up. Not so good. Sure I’m still pontificating about the majors in my life, but I’m not measuring up in the minors. So many things are falling on the wrong side of the balance. How can God be my God when He isn’t God of my ALL? When He isn’t God of the small.

Show me, God I prayed. I got a bigger answer than I wanted to my “small” problem.

So I ask you to follow my example and do as I do. 1 Chor 4:16

It shocks me every time I read Paul’s words to the church at Corinth. He even tells them twice.

I am so glad dear friends that you always keep me in your thoughts and you are following the Christian teaching I passed on to you. 1 Chor 11:1

He says it again to the Philippians!

Dear brothers and sisters pattern your lives after mine and learn from those who follow our example. Phil 3:17

Paul spent a year and a half living with the Corinthians and building the church. Didn’t he ever have a bad day? Surely, there were some times he would liked to have had a do-over, or maybe he had an occasional slip of the tongue. I can’t imagine having that kind of confidence in my behavior to suggest, “Do what I do”. My daughter learns and models much of my good, but also many of the little not so good things I have tried not to teach. My actions are speaking louder in their silence than all my words.

Lord, help me surrender more each day and gain your strength. Thank you for helping me face those mountains. But when the little things that can trip me up come along, let me recognize them first and follow Your example. Change even my smallest actions into grace filled offerings. I want You to be the God of the small.

On the 5th Day

I’m looking forward. 2009. It seems like a gaping abyss from just five days into the year. But, if the first few days are any indication, this will be quite a year.

Day 1-Family events took a decided turn for the worse. Danger crouched near and evil was given free reign. It could have been a horrible night but for the grace of God, who I believe is not willing to let Satan win the battle. The difference this time is definite action was taken. Tuesday will tell us more of the possible outcome. I’m praying for MIRACLES and that lives will not go back to the broken function of far too many years.

Day 2- I went to my first practice for Community Players. A new and nervous experience for me which I hope God will use. My character might turn out to be a quite a flirt, so I’m wondering how to witness through that. Then, I picked up my daughter from her first holiday trip to see family in California. I haven’t seen 2:00 a.m. on purpose for a VERY LONG TIME. She had a fabulous time. My niece was taken to emergency with kidney stones and will have surgery in the next couple of days to remove them.

Day 3-I got sick with nasty cold with a terrible headache and sore throat, both unusual for me. Felt drained, but managed to get Christmas decorations down. However, I slept through my first afternoon with my daughter home.

Day 4-Attempts are made of family situation from Day 1 to place pieces and lives back to familiar and over worn places, others are rightfully resisting. Another family member is getting a biopsy. Another niece is engaged and planning an August wedding. How exciting!

Day 5-It all makes me very aware of our need for the work Jesus willingly performed on our behalf. I am amazed at how patient God is and how many chances He allows. I can clearly see that He truly does not want anyone to perish. I am confident and hopeful that God is at work and this year we will see His miraculous work in our family.

THE LORD is my Light and my Salvation--whom shall I fear or dread? The Lord is the Refuge and Stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?

When the wicked, even my enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell. Though a host encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, in this will I be confident.

One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek, inquire for, and require: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold and gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to meditate in His temple. For in the day of trouble He will hide me in His shelter; in the secret place of His tent will He hide me; He will set me high upon a rock.

And now shall my head be lifted up above my enemies round about me; in His tent I will offer sacrifices and shouting of joy; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.

A Life Of Sorts

My days have been consumed with an archaeological expedition. One as close as my office closet, but as far away as distant years unearthed by layer after layer of pictures, programs and school papers. I’ve sorted a myriad of mementos from the unforgettably priceless to the “What in the world is that?”. My goal: Condense from the mountain of stuff to what captures our history in the most meaningful way.

As the papers shuffle, I drift through time like a canoe loosed from its mooring. Unearthing declarations of my daughter’s second grade love and her various dreams for when she grows up - a spy, a doctor, an adventurer. I wouldn’t advise the doctor. I found a picture she drew telling a patient “I’m sorry, I can’t help you”, who, lying stricken declares, “I’m dead”.

The most special are the hints of what God has placed inside her. From a young age, He has been shaping her talents and allowing her to explore them in her own way. I am watching as her focus is narrowing from a broad expansive valley between mountain ridges to the narrow pass that will carry her through the craggy peaks. I’m watching and praying.

I sorted through years of my bible study notes wishing I had done more. If only I had studied them more in depth and committed them to an organized history of my journey. I relived times plagued by sadness as I recovered from the loss of the life I thought was my dream. There were times of intense struggle to surrender myself to the place God chose for me. Some notes dripped with regret while others were inexpressibly joyful. Across the pages and years I saw God speaking love, comfort, joy and direction. Each note a reminder of how faithful God always was, is and will be. I see Him written into it all and I’m filled with thankful joy.

I sort through the journey, but I can’t keep it all and much I don’t want to. It felt so freeing and empowering to set ablaze the huge pile of scraps and watch it turn to ash. It is a fitting project as the year comes to a close, to remember where I have been, I mean. Somehow, it clarifies today. I am the sum of all my experiences. Even though it all has shaped my “here and now”, my life lived must make room for my life yet to be.

I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back. Phil 3:14 The Message

And so I sort.

Five Things you Never Wanted to Know

Sometimes friends are a warm blanket on a cold day. Other times they are the burr under my saddle. Love you Tam! I do spend way too much time thinking about what to post instead of just posting. Waiting for the profound thought, you know. You can see how often that happens. NEVER. Even now I have been pondering addiction? Is that can't live without, love love love it, or things I crave? This will have to be a mix because at this moment I can't even think of five. Oh be quiet.

1. Exercise. Big surprise to those who know me. I have done very little in the last month and quite frankly. I miss it. It is amazing how fast progress can be lost. (Hmm, spiritual truths apply. Keep on guard, don't grow weary.) I love a good workout. If I sweat to the ends of my hair, I've done my job. I feel better, I sleep better and I hope I stay healthy longer. For you who just groaned, "Oh whatever", I'm vain. I also like to look better. I have a ways to go.


2. Sweets. I have to have something sweet everyday. Now you see why #1 is a must? Caramel and chocolate are my favs, but I have been nibbling, well, gleefully consuming the extra cream cheese frosting from the carrot cake. Yumm, a little Christmas guilt. I also am getting more addicted to coffee. My typing companion is flavored with 1 splenda, 1 spoonful brown sugar and Italian Sweet Cream flavoring, it's oh so good. Culver's Turtle Sundaes are the ultimate treat! I get the junior.


3. Making God more of my everyday. I have to start my day with my favorite chair, my bible, my coffee companion and soak in God. I want Him to ooze into my little things so He can shine in my big things. No one will listen to what I have to say about Him if they don't see Him when I am silent. Again, lots of progress in my life, but I have a ways to go.


4. I just asked my daughter what I am addicted to and with an impish grin she said "Me". Ok, that's true. I'm a single mom, she's an only child. As much as she might complain that I'm too tough, never satisfied and never let down, I think she knows I love her with everything I have and am soooo proud of the young woman she is becoming. In these last few years of school, I'm working hard to transition to a healthy coexistence and independence that also strengthens our bond. Now that's a challenge. Did I mention I have a ways to go?


5. Time. Which I'm out of right now. This addiction is better described as a craving and can go so many directions. I want it to slow down. I want more of it. I want to exchange time spent on things that drain for time spent on things that keep my heart bubbling. Time for others and time with others. Stimulating conversation, challenging encouragment, let your hair down laughs, making their day better, exploring new places (even when they are right inside us). It's precious and fleeting. I crave it.

Thanks for the blog award AND the burr under my saddle.

Holiday Celebration Recipe

Here come the holidays. Anticipation and trepidation dance like sugar plums in my head. I love the holidays. It is a great time to focus on blessings, celebrate with family and strengthen the bonds of friendship. Although I consider it taboo to do any Christmas decorating before Thanksgiving, this year I’m going on a trip and I want to come home to Christmas so I’ve broken the rules and started the transformation to celebrate Jesus.

As much as I love the holidays, I hate how little discipline I have when it comes to enjoying the scrumptious goodies I wait all year to eat. YUUUMMMMYYY! I can taste them all now. Pecan pie, dressing, caramels, fudge, cranberry sauce, homemade rolls. Oh, stop me, I’m gaining weight just thinking about it.

I’ve been thinking about how to negotiate a five day vacation, joining in family meals and sharing homemade treats while successfully curbing the wild horse that wants to run to the feed trough and gorge myself! I've become painfully aware of the careless ways I waste calories. Since my worst eating habit is grazing, I could be in real trouble. I never seem to remember eating things when it is one little bite at a time all day long. To help myself this year, I’ve created a recipe to keep me on track.

HOLIDAY CELEBRATION FEAST

Mix one large portion of right priorities. Be intentional. What I want most is to celebrate God for who He is and what He has done for me and Jesus who came in such a beautiful and intimate way. Focus on that, not the food.

Stir in an ample supply of water. Water satisfies and fills calorie free. Drinking a full glass of water before meals will dramatically cut consumption.

Add only a dash of extra treats. Remember consuming careless calories hurts me and makes me feel defeated. Feeling defeated triggers extra eating. Extra eating makes me feel defeated. . . Get the cycle?

Divide the recipe in to four parts. Enjoy any of the foods I want, but cut the portion to half or even a fourth.

Let ingredients rest to develop the bouquet. Savor the taste slowly, let it linger. Feast on the sight and smell of food, not necessarily the taste of food itself.

Allow time to let the mixture rise until double. Find activities away from the table with family and see how multiplying that time can be.

Bake until inserted toothpick comes out clean. Invest in others. Look for ways to edify them and watch the barriers fall away. Aligning my priorities to God’s cleanses the soul. A cleansed soul is satisfied.

Taste and see that the Lord is good.
How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.
Psalm 34:8

I would love to hear your ingredients to add to the holiday celebration feast.