Heavy. That’s how I feel tonight. And I’m not talking about my scale although that isn’t too kind these days. I sift through feelings and contemplate. Is it right for a Christian to feel such heaviness? Just last night at bible study I commented that we live with joy. As Christians, it isn’t the life of can’t have and can’t do. Ours is the life of satisfying joy while choosing to do without much of what the world sees as fulfilling. Immediately a tug in the back of my mind whispered, take heed, I will have to prove those words.
So today, I’m struggling with heaviness. The monster that has been lurking for months is ready for attack. Sometimes it feels like life is all about can’t haves and can’t dos. Monstrous problems are in operation takeaway just like the stripping locusts. Where will I stand if all I see is can’t?
Prayer. Praise. Recalling promises. Sometimes these are done through hardened jaw, steeled eyes and sheer grit. Tonight it is a sacrifice, without much joy. I know the promises are no less true just because I feel heavy. Is that an honorable sacrifice?
Our study leader talked about when her children were little and they proudly brought her a gift of a dandelion from the yard. To them it was precious and beautiful. Her wiser eyes saw the weed it is. Her loving eyes acknowledged love in the weedy bouquet. When I bring gifts of praise, obedience and love to God, does He see my gift as genuine and precious?
Tonight I present my weedy bouquet. I give what I can. God understands.