Sunday, July 21, 2013

When Weariness Seems to Win

Weariness gets me. I have to admit, it gets me in a bad way.

Last Friday I awoke and my mind was in the middle of singing Building 429 We will not be shaken. Praise was on my heart. But, it was still a tough day. I was making big decisions about our business and working through challenges is never easy. Particularly since we are a family business. Like most families, we have our share of strife and baggage.

If you don't know me, my family raises pigs. Yep, I manage a pig farm. More accurately I manage the people who run the pig farm. We are now 18 months into significant restructuring of operations, organization and finances. I have a super team of people way smarter than me who provide excellent and trustworthy advice. Yet, some days it feels like I barely manage to keep my head above water. Like Wednesday.

Four irrigation pivots were broken down at a critical time for corn. The state was coming to visit and presumably shut off our ability to pump out of the creek. Fortunately, they only put us on a schedule. Major building problems at another unit were a big concern. People's stress levels were as high as the acrid summer heat. To top off the day one of my trusted team, our accountant, gave his two week notice.

That did it. CEO or not, I cried. Not very professional, but sometimes being a woman trumps job descriptions. I cried the rest of the day. I put out a 'help me' message to some of my team, hoping they could talk me back from hormones to logic. No call.

Cling to truth. I will not be shaken. 

OK I thought, I'm hosting a study at my house tonight. Their encouragement will snap me right out of this. We start by sharing our week and prayer requests. Problem was several of us had bad things happen. Their problems were just as important as mine. I will get my turn. But the turn didn't come. I hate to admit this, but half way through the evening I shut down and just wanted everyone to go home so I could have a good old fashioned, therapeutic cry.

Trust in Him. Hide in God.

Thursday, I tried to talk with our consultant who was here. He helps people work with people. Can we say God's timing is perfect? Dangerously to close to losing it when I had an afternoon of meetings to run, I said just enough to keep myself together. He gave me what encouragement he could and knows me well enough to understand my process. Do the next thing until I don't feel so raw. I barely made it through the day.

It was Friday morning again and I awoke puffy eyed, exhausted. I fell into my recliner, bible in hand as usual.

Keep Close to me. I'm here.

From the ends of the earth, I will cry to you for help for my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the towering rock of safety for you are my safe refuge, a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me. Let me live forever in your sanctuary beneath the shelter of your wings. Psalm 62:1-4

God heard my cry and gave this reminder and promise. Thank you, God! Still teary, I was now running late. I rushed to get ready, turning on the radio always set to KLOVE. I stopped dead in my tracks. Guess what song was playing? Yep, We will not be shaken

If you feel like this today, do what little you can. Cling to truth. Hide in God. 

Let your tears flow and know he is sheltering you under his wing. 
Allow your pain, but take it to the rock of safe refuge.
Don't deny weariness. Know it will be banished in the fortress of God.

He always hears. He always gives rest for the weary. He is always faithful. 

Is it instantaneous? Not always, and that is all right. I'm still not back to normal, but God is always good. I know I'm not the only one who struggles. Please tell me I'm not! If I can encourage you take a deep breath and reach out. We are not meant to do this alone. 

He walks with us every step and we will not be shaken.


Mary Ann said...

Hi Linda-
I was so happy to see you as a referrer on my stats page. Thank you! Just this morning God brought you to my mind and I prayed for you as I was getting ready to leave.
Then, this afternoon I saw the referral -- I think that's pretty special. God's timing.
I love your beautiful blog--it is such a reflection of you.
I will look forward to reading it now that I have subscribed.
Take care!
Mary Ann

elizabeth said...

Oh friend, what a huge responsibility you carry. Thank God, He has shoulders big enough to carry both you and the business! Praying for you!

Linda said...

Mary Ann, You are a blessing.
Elizabeth, Thanks to a big God and prayers, I know He has a way through the wilderness.