The Stage of Life

Sunday wrapped up performances of Annie Get Your Gun. I played Dolly, a silly character who ended up on the short end of many jokes. Poor Miz, Tate indeed! But, I didn't want to just provide punchlines, I wanted to make her real.

My adventure had it's final bow and I wrangled my last gun. Why, when I know how behind I am on projects for my soon to graduate daughter and work is on overload, don't I feel total relief? Afterall, my life that went into a holding pattern is now screaming for attention.

Even though I was pushed reluctantly into this production, I loved it. Some people don't get why I do theater. Sure it is an escape from daily life, but there is so much more. Putting myself into something like that is thrilling, exhausting, scary, tons of fun and it always costs me something. By Sunday night, the stage was bare, the theater cleaned and the goodbyes said. My emotions crashed against each other and I was in an exhausted heap.

God, what was that all about? How can something be so fulfilling and leave me empty at the same time? Why do I do this?

Creation. The excitement and applause of performance are nice, but what I love, love, LOVE is the process of creation. I am fascinated by discovering a character, learning what makes them who they are and bringing them to life. There are bits and pieces in the script and clues in what other people bring to the process, figuring out where my character is going and how it fits into the big picture of the story. Then gathering all the little shards, pressing them together and molding them into something real, relatable. I'm not saying I'm great at it and I'm learning more every time, but that process is what I love.

It is what real life is about. Creation. God gives us a script, the bible. He puts people and things in our lives who shape the process. He has a big picture plan for each of us, and a journey we are on. Our lives are His stage.

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

God, keep me focused and passionate in pursuit of the me You created. Help me discover, be drawn forward and molded by You so I can be ready for good works and worthy of whatever stage you choose for me.

Again

If I made a list of my favorite years, years upon remembering bring a smile to my heart, 2010 would not be on it. There was no catastrophic event, when once survived, I could pin a badge of courage. It was simply the accumulation of life. Family loss, business changes, work stress, overwhelming demands, health challenges. I would be embarrassed to divulge details because any one of these are small potatoes compared to the suffering some faced. Nevertheless, I was worn down.

By mid-December I was checking off days until I could turn the calendar, close the lid on a tough year and tuck it on the back shelf. I know there isn’t anything changed on the 1st than there was on the 31st, but it just feels different. A clean start. With much of the muck resolved, I hoped 2011 would be a year of ease. Boy, was I ready for ease. I peered into the months ahead and I knew they would times to embrace and savor.

Christmas week, our business got a bad report. My spirit slumped. In the following days, the breadth of the situation widened. Business was brought nearly to a complete stop while we assessed, regrouped and planned. This problem will negatively impact our business until long into 2012. My hope of ease vanished.

God, do we really have to do this AGAIN?

" . . . to refuse to bend our shoulders to carry a load

is to miss a new opportunity for growth."

J.R. Miller from Streams in the Desert

Yes, AGAIN. He said

I sat before Him in silence. I should have felt despair, panic, anger and sure, I felt some of that. But those emotions came like a faint whisper. What came boldly was comfort from all the challenges God has brought me through. That knowing swept over me.

If I had not chosen to bend to those loads in the past, despair and panic would still rule. But I did bend and God bent with me. In choosing to bend, God strengthened my resolve, my dependence and my knowing Him.

This year will not be easy. I can't say what life will look like as it wanes. It may not look pretty, but I know it will be allright. Facing the heaviness of burdens is easier now because I chose to bend. Of course there are plenty of times I chafe from the strain. Times my focus falters and I blow it. But, every time I choose to bend again, so does God.

He who listens to me shall dwell securely

and shall be at ease from the dread of evil.

Prov 1:33

This year will be a different kind of ease.

I choose to bend. AGAIN.

You Kissed My Scar

You kissed my scar.
Me.

A slumdog.
And You bent down.

You offered me shelter when I was lost against the elements.
You relished my companionship, stirring hope.
You encouraged me to run, be free.
You never forgot.
You found me. Again and again.
You pursued me relentlessly.

Me. A slumdog.
When I was battered by the world, You defended me.
Tarnished and stained by evil and You saw me.
When I was bitter in my unworthiness, You kept coming.
When I was trapped, You never gave up.
I dared to allow hope to flicker and You called me.
You kissed my scar.

Every time I watch this movie, it won’t let me go. Lingering in my depths, I am brokenly aware of never ending, never failing love. Gratitude overwhelms.

God, You see me. Me.

And with the insistence of water carving canyons, You open my soul.

This is the way God put it:
"They found grace out in the desert,
these people who survived the killing.
Israel, out looking for a place to rest,
met God out looking for them!"
God told them, "I've never quit loving you and never will.
Expect love, love, and more love!

The LORD appeared to him from afar, saying,
"I have loved you with an everlasting love;
Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness.


I am overwhelmed and undone by your pursuing, unrelenting love.

I hope.

As the canyon widens, I learn.

You kiss my scar and my brokenness is undone.
You kiss my scar and in Your love, I am a millionaire.

Sacrifice and Sweetness

Today, I flew through Chicago. I sat next to a soldier who had just finished his tour of duty.

"It was a long year," he said. And now his journey home. Iraq, Kuwait, Germany, Maine, Indiana, Chicago. A travel weary young man, yet we had a pleasant talk.

As the wheels touched the tarmac of his hometown I said, "Welcome home."

He nodded and a smile welled like a natural spring to light his whole being. "Thanks."

We were strangers, but with those simple words, we shared a moment entwined with the sacrifice of service and the sweetness of home.

It was a privilege.

Love Overcomes Loss

Christmas day. I wonder at the unexplainable.

A young couple barely married a year, expecting their first child, looking for a new house to call home and welcome their expanding love. They are ready to share a holiday of brimming hope. Instead of preparing for the tiny blessing on it's way, they face a very different task this Christmas. Planning the funeral of their precious little girl they will never get to hold. A tiny life designed and chosen by God, lost before her first breath. This should not be so. I cannot imagine their pain. It is unexplainable.

Another young couple facing the scorn of the pregnant unwed. Searching for a place to welcome their child. Her child. Determined to be a family, they plan. They hope and love grows. This tiny miracle, the most magnificent in all history enters our world with a cry. Breathing in our frailty. Does he know, even then? A moment before he was God, infused with power to do anything, to know everything. What did He lose to give himself to us? God designed and chose every moment. I can't imagine the depth of grief in giving His child to die. It should not be so. But it is. He chose to give.

It is unexplainable. All I can think is:

Love Overcomes Loss.

Today I have two prayers. One for the baby lost, that love will overcome in the grieving family. Another, for the baby given. Love born. Let Him overcome our hearts.