Real Life Connections (in)RL

We came together. Last minute. When I heard about in(RL)Meet up through Lisa Jo Baker at Jumping Tandem The Retreat. I knew ladies at my church wanted something like this. Needed this. Even though I wasn't sure myself what it was all about. I scoped (in)courage website, got permission from my pastor and before I could come to my senses, emailed the ladies bible study group. Thursday morning. Did I mention the event started Friday? By that afternoon, I had several responses.

Oh my,  I'd better get something planned. I got super excited, watching previews Friday night. Saturday I crashed wondering what I had gotten myself into. I had no idea how to do this. So I baked. And prayed and ideas came and ladies to help and God put it together.

Eighteen women cam of all ages. Each a single rope strand. Questions shadowed eyes and silenced lips. We bound together and wound our hearts as we tied to Him, unbreakable. We tore long strips of colored fabric and watched fun, challenging, insightful women share.

Small groups clustered, questioned and related. With every segment, groups rearranged so no two were ever alike. Talk flowed easier, conversation lingered longer and schedules slipped. I didn't care. Connecting was God's plan.

After each discussion we wrote something to give over to God on the fabric. Then tied our heart expression to the rope. I worried people would think it silly, but God gave the idea. 

When you have been hurt? Who do you know who hurts now?
What sickness, loss or sadness do you or someone you know have?
What excuse do we use for not staying in community?
Who has God put on your heart to show that staying is the right thing to do?

We discovered the unique beauty of God bringing his most creative creatures, women, together in community to learn and love.

We found common ground. Look out for others hurting. Staying is better, even though leaving is easy. It is an honor to be challenged to behave more like Jesus. Reach out to women in stages of life, beyond our own. There is much to learn. Sometimes the smallest thing means the most so do one thing more. Endure in love because friends don't give up.

Throughout the afternoon the binding of Christ, the rope of community filled. One torn fabric piece, one lady, one prayer at a time.

Everyone loved the benches concept and chattered over each other with ideas. Our first "bench" is this Saturday at the restaurant of one of the ladies in the group. I can't go, but that is good. The women jumped in and became part building community. As it should be. We will even have an activity together this summer.

 

This wasn't a big thing one little woman can do. It is a little thing a BIG God and do and turn it into something HUGE. Because when it comes to staying, He's got us beat hands down. In blood, and stripes, and last breaths and risen first gasps and staying. Forever.

Broken Hallelujah

"Take the hand of the person next to you and let's pray." It was a baby dedication at church, but with those words, the dam broke. The whisperings I couldn't identify and fears I fought to validate by acknowledgement, rushed unbridled through the canyons of my heart. And again, tears.

I'm part of our church worship team. Often as I sit and look out at my church family and feel thankful for people who worship unashamed, empathy for families who have suffered loss, encouragement from those who are living above their trials through the strength of God. Last Sunday, I felt naked.

The worship set started. We took our places and began the first chorus. I tried to push my torment down, but my voice soon faltered. Strength evaporated and by the third chorus, my voice fell silent. I prayed. God, this is all I can do right now. I'm here, before You. This is all I have for You today.



When a broken hallelujah all you have,
that is all God wants.

Without Words

"I just can't believe that is what God means.

I can't believe that is what God wants."

Cloaked in the comfort of a dark evening, words flowed, weaving the uneven rhythm of a searching heart. Stories of people with a law-based belief and people, who name God their own, but live like He is not; church pew Christians who leave God behind at the last Amen, and blend seamlessly with the world. He said, “It is a confusing message.”

I didn’t hear about what people said to him. I heard about what he saw.

"It is no use walking anywhere to preach

unless our walking is our preaching."
Francis of Assisi

Our testimony is WITHOUT WORDS.

We try to live in such a way that no one will be hindered

from finding the Lord by the way we act,

and so no one can find fault with our ministry. 2 Chor. 6:3

He recognized something not right. Of that I am glad. I wondered though, has he ever seen enough of the real Jesus to fully understand a counterfeit?

His words urged me. Search.

How can we who call ourselves believers of God, Christians, lead people from the truth? How is it possible that we can give such an altered impression of God that people lose desire to know Him for themselves? How can I? Many times, my actions don't line up with my words.

I am on the worship team at church. I can think of more than one Sunday helping lead worship and wondering if my daughter might be thinking What a fake. It was difficult to remember the fight we had the day before or even that morning and then stand there and worship as if my heart were pure. Thankfully, worship purifies.

How about the new guy at work, who is developing a dislike for me because I am not very kind and patient with him. And then there is family. I wish I could look past my lack of grace toward my family. But I can't. Why is it so challenging for me to be loving, open and accepting with them? Lord have mercy.

For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved

and those who are perishing. 2 Chor. 2:15

Sometimes I get it right. Sometimes I get it wrong.

I don't want to hinder. I want to be a fragrance.

A fragrance Without Words.

For more impressions on this quote see our host Tami at The Next Step and Writing Canvas.

Hide in Plain Sight

I knew when I typed. I wanted to make her real and It always costs me something in my last post, I was in for it.

Welcome to the tennis match of God's workshop. Into my orderly life He lobbed a seemingly innocent stint on stage followed by the cross court backhand of my friend's post The Best Way To Hide and rushed the net for the kill shot by throwing me into a situation I haven't allowed in years. Years!

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. Psalm 61:1-4

I learned early to run to God's comfort and security. He is the only true and safe place when any of us face what is bigger than us. But, had I taken it to a professional level? Instead of hiding to dwell with Him, was I just hiding?

When it comes to acting, I work hard. If the character isn't real, people will not relate. A character without layers is not real. Thus my predicament. To achieve a depth of layers, I have to dig deep into my own. Trust me, they are many and deep and have been hidden for a long time. This is where the cost comes. When the script is placed back on the shelf, the pesky tools I dug around to find are not so easily returned. They demand the attention of reality stripped of any character I conjure in my imagination.

Our church Christmas program this year was about loss. I thought I had escaped digging into my past, when I was asked to be the Assistant Director. One night, we worked a key scene again and again. Everyone was exhausted and the actors, though amazing, were struggling to understand what the director wanted. I sat there on the front row, heart pounding, bargaining with God. Don't make me go there! Please, don't make me talk about it. I obeyed and forced my biggest skeleton out of hiding. Telling them what it felt like to have an unfaithful husband was as excrutiating that night as the day I found out. Although I was a mess for weeks, God replaced what I released with another healing step forward.

Compared to Christmas, I breezed through my next play even though God continued His relentless baseline volley. This time the lessons were offstage. I wanted to put the tools safely away. I wanted to say. Let the retreat begin! He said, No. You have to quit hiding it. If you want to be mine, you can't keep hiding from pain. You have to be willing to hurt again.

The ball is in my court. Now what am I going to do about it?
This is for me.



This is for you. Are there things you would rather hide? Please don't let me think I'm the only one. The ball is in your court. What do you want to do about it?

The Stage of Life

Sunday wrapped up performances of Annie Get Your Gun. I played Dolly, a silly character who ended up on the short end of many jokes. Poor Miz, Tate indeed! But, I didn't want to just provide punchlines, I wanted to make her real.

My adventure had it's final bow and I wrangled my last gun. Why, when I know how behind I am on projects for my soon to graduate daughter and work is on overload, don't I feel total relief? Afterall, my life that went into a holding pattern is now screaming for attention.

Even though I was pushed reluctantly into this production, I loved it. Some people don't get why I do theater. Sure it is an escape from daily life, but there is so much more. Putting myself into something like that is thrilling, exhausting, scary, tons of fun and it always costs me something. By Sunday night, the stage was bare, the theater cleaned and the goodbyes said. My emotions crashed against each other and I was in an exhausted heap.

God, what was that all about? How can something be so fulfilling and leave me empty at the same time? Why do I do this?

Creation. The excitement and applause of performance are nice, but what I love, love, LOVE is the process of creation. I am fascinated by discovering a character, learning what makes them who they are and bringing them to life. There are bits and pieces in the script and clues in what other people bring to the process, figuring out where my character is going and how it fits into the big picture of the story. Then gathering all the little shards, pressing them together and molding them into something real, relatable. I'm not saying I'm great at it and I'm learning more every time, but that process is what I love.

It is what real life is about. Creation. God gives us a script, the bible. He puts people and things in our lives who shape the process. He has a big picture plan for each of us, and a journey we are on. Our lives are His stage.

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

God, keep me focused and passionate in pursuit of the me You created. Help me discover, be drawn forward and molded by You so I can be ready for good works and worthy of whatever stage you choose for me.