China: One Big Country and Three Simple Prayers

Soon after God and I came to an agreement that I would, indeed, to do the job he asked me to do, he raised the bar. No big surprise there, God does that kind of thing. But I still shook my fist and pounded the table and said, "Really God? Our first agreement wasn't enough?" I imagine him crossing his arms and leaning back on his throne as he chuckles and shakes his head.

Fine, I can make a trip to China. There God, see how much easier that was this time? Notice I said a trip, as in one. I spent a lot of time talking to God about this one trip.  Friends prayed too. I asked for three simple things. Well, one was a little more than simple.

The only jewelry I took was the cross necklace with the word faith a friend gave me. She thought that was exciting so we prayed someone would ask about the necklace. Prayer #1.

I wanted to be able to share my faith and talk about God with someone. Prayer #2.

The last request was a little trickier. I told God I didn't want our activity in China to only be about raising pigs and selling them to people. I want to find how to use pigs to share Jesus, say support mission work, but I wanted a real connection to the missionaries. That would be cool. Prayer #3.

After days full of meetings, interviews and contracts, we took a morning to see some sights. We have an assistant who is our interpreter. A young woman named Snow. She started talking about some of the bad things happening in the country. Maybe you saw the recent story of the Chinese couple who tried to send their newborn down the toilet. She said a lot of people in China were talking about that. Some thought it was terrible, some were allright with it. Because we have no faith, people can do terrible things and not even feel sorry for it.

Why do we have no faith in our country?

Prayer #2. I told her I'm a Christian and I have faith and that is what I live by. But she wanted to know how you get to heaven. Do you do enough good things to get heaven? No, Jesus is how you get to heaven you know him right? I asked her if she had ever heard of Jesus, and she said that she'd heard only a little. All you have to do is believe in Jesus and that he died for you because he loves you so much. You do good things because you love Jesus and you love other people. The conversation ended, but the seed was planted.

That night I decided to give her a gift. I took two devotional books to China. Jesus Calling and Promises for Life for Women. I chose the Promises book because Jesus in big bold print on the cover might cause problems. This little devotional has scriptures about all kinds of subjects. Anger, joy, resentment, peace. Things we all struggle with at any given hormonal level. I wrote in the front cover how to get to heaven so she could study it.

The final morning in our hotel room, we were chatting about business and Snow suddenly looked at me and said what pretty shirt you have on and what is that necklace? Prayer #1. I told Snow I got it from a very special friend because we both believe in Jesus and it signifies the bond we have because we are Christians.

Perfect time for the gift. I handed the book to Snow and explained it has bible verses about all kinds of topics that would help her. Does God really help you? Absolutely I said. Remember the other day in the meeting I got really angry? You saw that didn't you? I took a walk, talked to God and asked him to please give me patience and love and he did. She wanted to know if  he really helps with anger. More than that, I explained, he gives me peace. Snow told me that is what I need. She said there is a church in her home city that believes like I do and she is going to visit.

She clutched the devotional to her chest and declared with passion, I will read every word of this to my son and I will tell him that it is from you. Snow doesn't have a son. She's not married. Snow isn't even engaged yet. God's word never goes out void.

As I was answering some questions for my father and working on emails, I picked up the other devotional, you know the one with Jesus real big on the cover, just to show it to Snow. She grabbed that book out of my hands and set it together with the Promises gift.  Well ok, I thought, she can have both. I wonder how many people will read them?

God makes me smile. As we headed for the airport, I thought about those two amazing answers. I got there hours early because my father was heading a different direction on a morning flight. I went through the sliding terminal doors one step from leaving China.

I walked and walked circles around that terminal killing time and talking to God. Will he answer my third prayer? The first two were fairly painless. Do I even want the answer?

God um, I'm at the airport now. As if he didn't know.

Real Life Connections (in)RL

We came together. Last minute. When I heard about in(RL)Meet up through Lisa Jo Baker at Jumping Tandem The Retreat. I knew ladies at my church wanted something like this. Needed this. Even though I wasn't sure myself what it was all about. I scoped (in)courage website, got permission from my pastor and before I could come to my senses, emailed the ladies bible study group. Thursday morning. Did I mention the event started Friday? By that afternoon, I had several responses.

Oh my,  I'd better get something planned. I got super excited, watching previews Friday night. Saturday I crashed wondering what I had gotten myself into. I had no idea how to do this. So I baked. And prayed and ideas came and ladies to help and God put it together.

Eighteen women cam of all ages. Each a single rope strand. Questions shadowed eyes and silenced lips. We bound together and wound our hearts as we tied to Him, unbreakable. We tore long strips of colored fabric and watched fun, challenging, insightful women share.

Small groups clustered, questioned and related. With every segment, groups rearranged so no two were ever alike. Talk flowed easier, conversation lingered longer and schedules slipped. I didn't care. Connecting was God's plan.

After each discussion we wrote something to give over to God on the fabric. Then tied our heart expression to the rope. I worried people would think it silly, but God gave the idea. 

When you have been hurt? Who do you know who hurts now?
What sickness, loss or sadness do you or someone you know have?
What excuse do we use for not staying in community?
Who has God put on your heart to show that staying is the right thing to do?

We discovered the unique beauty of God bringing his most creative creatures, women, together in community to learn and love.

We found common ground. Look out for others hurting. Staying is better, even though leaving is easy. It is an honor to be challenged to behave more like Jesus. Reach out to women in stages of life, beyond our own. There is much to learn. Sometimes the smallest thing means the most so do one thing more. Endure in love because friends don't give up.

Throughout the afternoon the binding of Christ, the rope of community filled. One torn fabric piece, one lady, one prayer at a time.

Everyone loved the benches concept and chattered over each other with ideas. Our first "bench" is this Saturday at the restaurant of one of the ladies in the group. I can't go, but that is good. The women jumped in and became part building community. As it should be. We will even have an activity together this summer.

 

This wasn't a big thing one little woman can do. It is a little thing a BIG God and do and turn it into something HUGE. Because when it comes to staying, He's got us beat hands down. In blood, and stripes, and last breaths and risen first gasps and staying. Forever.

Broken Hallelujah

"Take the hand of the person next to you and let's pray." It was a baby dedication at church, but with those words, the dam broke. The whisperings I couldn't identify and fears I fought to validate by acknowledgement, rushed unbridled through the canyons of my heart. And again, tears.

I'm part of our church worship team. Often as I sit and look out at my church family and feel thankful for people who worship unashamed, empathy for families who have suffered loss, encouragement from those who are living above their trials through the strength of God. Last Sunday, I felt naked.

The worship set started. We took our places and began the first chorus. I tried to push my torment down, but my voice soon faltered. Strength evaporated and by the third chorus, my voice fell silent. I prayed. God, this is all I can do right now. I'm here, before You. This is all I have for You today.



When a broken hallelujah all you have,
that is all God wants.

Without Words

"I just can't believe that is what God means.

I can't believe that is what God wants."

Cloaked in the comfort of a dark evening, words flowed, weaving the uneven rhythm of a searching heart. Stories of people with a law-based belief and people, who name God their own, but live like He is not; church pew Christians who leave God behind at the last Amen, and blend seamlessly with the world. He said, “It is a confusing message.”

I didn’t hear about what people said to him. I heard about what he saw.

"It is no use walking anywhere to preach

unless our walking is our preaching."
Francis of Assisi

Our testimony is WITHOUT WORDS.

We try to live in such a way that no one will be hindered

from finding the Lord by the way we act,

and so no one can find fault with our ministry. 2 Chor. 6:3

He recognized something not right. Of that I am glad. I wondered though, has he ever seen enough of the real Jesus to fully understand a counterfeit?

His words urged me. Search.

How can we who call ourselves believers of God, Christians, lead people from the truth? How is it possible that we can give such an altered impression of God that people lose desire to know Him for themselves? How can I? Many times, my actions don't line up with my words.

I am on the worship team at church. I can think of more than one Sunday helping lead worship and wondering if my daughter might be thinking What a fake. It was difficult to remember the fight we had the day before or even that morning and then stand there and worship as if my heart were pure. Thankfully, worship purifies.

How about the new guy at work, who is developing a dislike for me because I am not very kind and patient with him. And then there is family. I wish I could look past my lack of grace toward my family. But I can't. Why is it so challenging for me to be loving, open and accepting with them? Lord have mercy.

For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved

and those who are perishing. 2 Chor. 2:15

Sometimes I get it right. Sometimes I get it wrong.

I don't want to hinder. I want to be a fragrance.

A fragrance Without Words.

For more impressions on this quote see our host Tami at The Next Step and Writing Canvas.

Hide in Plain Sight

I knew when I typed. I wanted to make her real and It always costs me something in my last post, I was in for it.

Welcome to the tennis match of God's workshop. Into my orderly life He lobbed a seemingly innocent stint on stage followed by the cross court backhand of my friend's post The Best Way To Hide and rushed the net for the kill shot by throwing me into a situation I haven't allowed in years. Years!

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. Psalm 61:1-4

I learned early to run to God's comfort and security. He is the only true and safe place when any of us face what is bigger than us. But, had I taken it to a professional level? Instead of hiding to dwell with Him, was I just hiding?

When it comes to acting, I work hard. If the character isn't real, people will not relate. A character without layers is not real. Thus my predicament. To achieve a depth of layers, I have to dig deep into my own. Trust me, they are many and deep and have been hidden for a long time. This is where the cost comes. When the script is placed back on the shelf, the pesky tools I dug around to find are not so easily returned. They demand the attention of reality stripped of any character I conjure in my imagination.

Our church Christmas program this year was about loss. I thought I had escaped digging into my past, when I was asked to be the Assistant Director. One night, we worked a key scene again and again. Everyone was exhausted and the actors, though amazing, were struggling to understand what the director wanted. I sat there on the front row, heart pounding, bargaining with God. Don't make me go there! Please, don't make me talk about it. I obeyed and forced my biggest skeleton out of hiding. Telling them what it felt like to have an unfaithful husband was as excrutiating that night as the day I found out. Although I was a mess for weeks, God replaced what I released with another healing step forward.

Compared to Christmas, I breezed through my next play even though God continued His relentless baseline volley. This time the lessons were offstage. I wanted to put the tools safely away. I wanted to say. Let the retreat begin! He said, No. You have to quit hiding it. If you want to be mine, you can't keep hiding from pain. You have to be willing to hurt again.

The ball is in my court. Now what am I going to do about it?
This is for me.



This is for you. Are there things you would rather hide? Please don't let me think I'm the only one. The ball is in your court. What do you want to do about it?